Well, it's time to publish Biz-Speak 301, on the heels of BS 201 in January/February 2003 issue and BS 101 in July/August 2002 issue of PaperAge. This 20-term installment brings the total BS terms to 60, enough for paper industry BS'ers to better communicate not just among themselves, but also with counterparts in other industries and businesses.
Biz-Speak, in fact, is rapidly becoming a universal language, linking BS'ers around the world and fostering international good will through lingo standardization. Today's Biz-Speaks from Andorra to Bhutan are able to think outside the box, push the envelope, and multi-task as well as any BS'er in the U.S. or Europe—and be able to tell about it, thanks now to a common BS linguistical base.
Later this year, BS 401 will complete the undergraduate levels of Biz-Speak, which might be followed by one or more graduate editions for advanced users (depending on reader interest). Also, as previously mentioned, a fully annotated, unabridged BS Dictionary might later be published. In addition, PaperAge is exploring the possibility of conducting written exams (via Internet/email) and conferring degrees on successful candidates who pass them. Imagine how impressive a BS diploma would look as the centerpiece of your personal office wall shrine.
Play (a): Biz-Speak replacement for "gig" in the common vernacular. Something a company or business does to generate revenue: as, we are a B-to-B play, or, we're a pulp play. One of many BS terms that have a macho sports connection, such as in your court, touch base, step up to the plate, drop the ball, etc.
Value-Add (the): The specific thing that makes something value-added. Often used in the interrogative sense: as, what's the value-add here?—to gain the upper hand in a discussion or debate, or, more commonly, just to demonstrate BSability.
Multi-Tasking: The process of taking on an increasing number of duties and responsibilities generally proportional and in direct relation to a growing number of layoffs, terminations, and 'early retirements' within an organization.
Technology-Intensive: Often used to describe a company that either employs or contracts services from individuals who have read recent news or magazine articles and can successfully inject five or six basic Biz-Speak terms relating to the "Information Revolution" in a conversation. It can also apply to any organization that currently maintains a web site.
Digital Convergence: A defunct business theory originally advanced by philosopher Ptolomy that the future will bring a paperless society in which our telephone will ultimately morph with our television, computer, Internet connection, dishwasher, and shower. Ptolomy is generally discredited by the paper industry.
Next-Generation Provider: Exact meaning unknown. Origin is generally traced to "e-business development" lingo in the remnants of annals and technical business plans created circa 1996. Although it has no direct application in the pulp and paper industry, the term can be combined with other BS phrases to temporarily confuse suppliers and possibly get lower prices, e.g., "we only deal with client focused, next-generation providers who are on the same page and want to engage in a win-win situation."
C-Level Executive: Generally used with executives having the word 'chief' in their titles (CEO, COO, CFO, CTO, etc), but more typically applies to the manager's cumulative high-school or junior college GPA.
Cube Farm: A large, open office area filled with small cubicles. Generally not inhabited by C-level executives.
Prairie Dogging: The phenomenon of heads popping up in a cube farm (to see what's going on) when something heavy is dropped or someone yells or laughs loudly. Causes C-level executives to close their doors
Detail Man: A sucker assigned to an impossible job.
Whatever it Takes: Committing others to a job.
Percussive Maintenance: The science of smacking a process component, particularly an electrical/electronic device, to make it begin working again.
Business Development Initiative: Process of randomly culling phone numbers and/or email addresses of registered attendees at trade shows, conferences, or seminars, with the intention of cold-calling or spamming them in a technique originally developed by long distance carriers and mortgage lenders, e.g., "Good evening, Mr. Jones. I hope I'm not calling too late tonight. But then again, it's never to late to save on your monthly mortgage."
Joint Solution: The process of creating a product or delivering a service to a client who may, in turn, claim "proprietary" ownership in an effort to re-sell to a third-party client for greater profit.
Corporate Culture: Generally obsolete business concept or philosophy that exists today only in the heads of C-level executives who see it as "positive energy" necessary for success—i.e., "we succeed because we have a phenomenal corporate culture." Long ago in a galaxy far, far away, corporate culture was once called "The Force" by a mysterious order of militant theologians known as the Jedi.
Mouse Potato: Anyone whose job is to operate a computer or related control device, manipulating a mouse all day long.
Reverse Auction: A psychological condition often accompanied by an obsession for planning one's own funeral.
Maintenance Free: Cannot be repaired, rebuilt, or otherwise restored to service.
One Degree of Separation: Meaningless term that can be used as a universal answer or comment in regard to other BS statements, e.g., "John is out of the loop these days. Yes, but only by one degree of separation. We've undergone a paradigm shift lately. True, but we missed making a quantum leap by only one degree of separation.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
